Monday, April 23, 2012

In Defense of John Edwards

I met John Edwards once at a Best Buy, I think it was. We were both buying a computer. Being rich, he was getting the one I had wanted. We chatted about the recent lost to President Bush and I told him that he should have gone after those lies harder about John Kerry and he told me he had wanted to, but that the advisers had ruled against it. He went on to say that he would definitely be more aggressive in the future.

Flash forward 2012. He is facing a trial for what many people believe is a political and judicial over-reach at best, for something, post Citizens United, isn't even a crime anymore. The thing that gets me is even those people that believe he really didn't do anything essentially criminal, still preface their remarks by saying "Sure, John Edwards is a despicable human being, but..." Really? Despicable?

I'm going to say what everyone is thinking, but are too politically correct to say. Basically, the facts. John Edwards is a fairly good looking man...a millionaire...a politician and he was married to a woman that was not as good looking as one would think someone like him would have on his arm. There. I said it. Now I know, she gave him several kids, she was not 20 anymore and she was sick with cancer. This isn't an indictment against's just the facts.

So you are good looking. You are rich. You are a politician. You have women throwing themselves at you 24/7. You are on the road in a thousand hotel rooms on the campaign trail and, Oh yes, you have that inconsiderate penis with you at all times, telling you to do crazy crap. I know mine never shuts up! Enter the not so cute videographer gal, constantly giving you that come heather look. How many of us wouldn't say "Oh what the Hell. Maybe just this once...OK just twice...Oh what Hell, I'll just go for it."?

Now if you say "Not me! I'd never have tapped that! I love my wife!", I'd say "Ah neither!", (Seinfeld eye roll)but there is an inconvenient and constant truth. Wait for it, wait for it....MEN CHEAT! That's what we do. Women have known this for years. The naive ones still believe that we only cheat with the younger gal or the thinner gal or the prettier gal. The fact is, as Chris Rock says, "A man is only as faithful as his opportunities." They asked Woody Allen once, "What makes a woman good in bed?" His answer? "Being there!" Say it isn't so, but it's so.

Edwards made alot of mistakes to be sure, but the one mistake he made that nobody talks about, is he made his late wife, a talk show darling. We all felt sorry for her, but even more so, after we got to know her on the TV machine as being articulate, sweet and funny. After falling in love with her, we felt her humiliation and pain even more so. And now we wants some blood. We want(s) it as a final tribute to Elizabeth. Having lost her battle, left her kids...we find it so unfair that the cheater with the money and the good hair is still here and she is gone, so we want to take him down.

Some news organization said in a poll, that John Edwards was the most hated man in North Carolina. Are you freaking kidding me? There are some truly despicable people in this state. We got murders, rapists, child abusers and dead beat dads...we even got people that want to change our constitution to include hateful and discriminatory language; and John Freakin Edwards is the most hated man in the state?

If he gets convicted, does a bunch of years in the slammer (when Nifong got one day), comes out and his hair isn't as pretty, his wallet isn't as fat and , Oh yea, his kids have grown up without either parent, we can all say we got the cheater with the fancy hair and the Romney walk (what's with that?) and we can all turn to our wives and say "See Honey? We'd never have done that; and you're right that woman over there should be ashamed of herself, wearing that short skirt. What decent man would even look at that?" (out the corner of our eye...).

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